So much for raising a Tomboy!

This is still not me

I was visiting my parents this weekend and I was hoping that by bringing the bebe up to see them I could also talk my mom into doing my hair. It had been quite some time since I got a color and a cut and my grays were pretty prominent. It worked and my hair is now trimmed and a fantastic shade of dark (really dark) brown.

A funny thing happened while I was sitting in the folding chair in my mom's kitchen's wait for her to paint that cold color on my head. My sweet little girl climbed up on my lap and started to whine. All I could make out was "I do it!" so I explained to her the she couldn't put the color on mommy's hair. That Mimi (my mom) had to do it because it was dangerous. Sophie continued to whine and after about 5 minutes we realized what she wanted. She wanted her hair done too.

So while I was getting color on my head, my sister had to put some conditioner in a bowl and paint it on Sophies head. After Sophie started getting her hair done she was happy as a clam. She got her whole head painted in conditioner and then decided she was going to paint my sisters head too. So being a good sport, my sister sat on the kitchen floor and let Sophie paint her head with blogs of conditioner.

It was great.

So much for that Tomboy Jeff wanted to raise. Sophie is all girl, from her love of purses and shoes to wanting to get her hair and nails done to her obsession with princesses.

Purplicious

 

For Sophie's birthday, we bought are a number of new books. One of these books was titled "Purplicious". When I saw it at Target, I just couldn't resist it (the other one I couldn't resist was called "Fancy Nancy"!). I just new Purplicious was going to be a hit in our house.

I was right.

Sophie has now learned the term Purplicious and uses it frequently when referring to that beautiful hue.

It seems that with the introduction of Purplicious into our house, Sophie's favorite color has also shifted. What was once pink is now purplicious. This includes all things from bath water (we have those magic droplets to change the water) to her toes.

If you ask her what color her toes are, she will tell you they are Purplicious.

Or course, some of this is perpetuated by Jeff and myself. Sophie said purplicious on her own after reading the book but like most things for a kid her age- when she got a reaction out of Jeff and I, she continued to do it. She also knows how to respond when we prompt her with such questions as "Sophie, what color is your bath water". She will say it in her own 2 year old way and look very pleased with herself when we exclaim "It is Purplicious!"

As luck would have it, there is a a whole line of Coloricous books, starting with Pinkalicious.






I can't wait to get them all!

I want to be a girl again

I don't know if it is the weather turning nice or working out or being with my college buddies (who all look fabulous and fashionable) but suddenly I want to be a girl again.

I don't know where or when it happened that I stopped wear most make up, quit doing my hair, not worrying about my clothes (still a shopper- but totally in a wardrobe funk) but it happened. I am going to get that girl back. I will.

Just this week I have added eye liner and powdered foundation back into my mix of make-up. I forgot how smooth and beautiful it can make your face look. I have also been doing my hair. Curling it, sure, but here is the most important part- leaving it down!

As part of this mini make over, I have set some goals for myself. I am shopping motivated so if I can go to the gym 4 out of the 5 work days every week until the end of April- I am spending at least half my quarterly bonus on new summer clothes for myself. No guilt, no strings attached- whatever I want from where ever I want.

I can't wait!

The Gym

No this is not me

I still can't believe a joined a gym. Most day, while on the elliptical, I still wonder why the hell I would do such a thing. Funny thing is, unlike most people, I look forward to going. It about 10 minutes into my workout that I am like "Oh shit! I wish I was anywhere else". Still I push on and make myself do 30 minutes.

Today, after about 10 minutes in I thought I was going to DIE. Like literally fall over and die right there on the gym floor. I thought workout's were suppose to get easier instead of harder (given that I was doing the same exact thing). It took me another 10 minutes to realize my machine was still set on Level 5 from the previous user. Level 5. Out of 6 levels. I usually work out on Level 1 (hey, I plan to work my way up slowly- no judging!). So yeah- no wonder it seemed so much harder.

Plus, yesterday I took a shower after my workout and only AFTER I was in the shower did I realize the Hot and Cold knobs were backwards. I froze. In case you go to LAC, it is the second shower stall. You have been warned.

Great Weekend

I can't even begin to say what a wonderful weekend we had!

First- It was so nice to spend sometime with very dear friends who I don't get to see nearly enough. Everything about the bachelorette party/baby shower was wonderful. The food, the drink, the conversation. It was long over due and I am so thankful I got to partake. Especially in the reminiscing of drunken college stories. Only when you are with those girls you shared those memories with, can you fully appreciate the friendship that were formed and what those stories mean. Priceless- thats what that night was.

In addition, it was a full night away from home for me. I got to stay up late, drink, and sleep in! It was wonderful and so relaxing.

The next morning, Jeff and Sophie met me and the girls for breakfast so they could all see the little missus. She did not disappoint but then again she always likes to put on a show.

The rest of the day was fantastic too. Our weather was perfect so after Sophie's nap (which mom took the opportunity to nap on the couch as well) we all went outside. Jeff picked up all the dog poo that accumulated in the yard over the winter while Sophie played with her sand and water table for the first time this year. I got to sit in the lounge chair and read a book.

Then Jeff and I cleared out the garden from last year to get it ready for this year. It was some work but it looks great. We cleared out the debris from last year, raked up the rocks and it is in prime condition to be tilled and my crops planted.

Now I just have to figure out what to plant........

Baby Shower's and Bachelorette Parties!

So excited for this weekend. We are having a joint baby shower and wedding shower/bachelorette party for 2 of my good friends from college. I can't wait because it will be like a mini reunion, as I haven't seen a lot of these girls in quite some time!

The only problem is....... I have nothing to wear. And really no money to go shopping. Which sucks.

Joining A Gym

Why? Here's why.

I went to Target to look for an outfit to wear this weekend when I go out for my BFF's Bachelorette party. I picked up this cute dress

in a Medium. On the hanger it looked big. Yeah- it didn't fit. A medium didn't fit. The only time I  haven't fit into a medium is after having Sophie. I quickly put down the dress and picked up some work out clothes.

I am pretty sure I weigh more now than I did a few months following Sophie's birth. I have to do something so yesterday I joined a gym. It is 2 minutes from my work and I figure I can put in 30 minutes on the elliptical. It's serves a dual purpose 1- it gets me in shape and 2- gives me something to do on my lunch break (previously spent shopping)

Wish me luck!

Devastating

I have avoiding coming to my blog this week. There is so much to say but honestly I don't know if I can say it all. Heavy-hearted, I have to tell you- we lost the baby this weekend.

In all honesty- I thought about just deleting the post announcing the baby. Delete it and pretend I never posted it. I am glad I didn't now. It's easy to avoid, ignore or "delete" the bad or sad things from your life. It less painful to sweep it under the rug and pretend like it doesn't hurt, that we don't care and that it never existed. Deleting that post is what I WANT to do. But I won't. Why? Because after thinking about it long and hard- deleting it ignoring it, pretending like it didn't happen isn't the way I want to deal with it. It isn't helpful to me to suppress those feelings. Those thoughts. That hurt.

So instead I am going to blog about it. I am going to put it out there and then I am going to let it go.


It started Friday night. Almost as soon as I got home from work, I started spotting bright red blood. Let me just say, I have never been so scared or devastated in my life. Since finding out I was pregnant, I had come to dread wiping for fear I would see blood. Friday night those fear came to true. The second I saw the blood, I called to my husband to come in. I could tell he was worried too, but for me he was trying to keep calm. "Could be nothing, just call the dr" he said to me.

So I did. Since it was after hours, I had to leave a message with the call service. The on-call midwife called me back about 40 minutes later. I got the standard "I know you are thinking the worst but there are a lot of reasons to bleed during pregnancy. Just try to relax and take it easy. If you start to bleed a lot go to the er- if not call on Monday". I tried to take her advice and did relax the rest of the night and all of Saturday.

On Saturday, the bleeding got worse. Not enough to go to the ER but enough for me to know, without any medical consultation, that my pregnancy was over. What I felt was beyond hurt, more far reaching than pain.

It is incredible to me that I could be so attached to something I had only known about for 2 weeks. Something I had never held, nor felt move. Despite telling myself "You were only 6 weeks along" I felt the lose of the baby so severely.

My daughter, my sweet Sophie, was so loving. I guess she knew something was wrong with momma, because all Saturday morning she laid in bed with me, stroking my face, giving me kisses and telling me she loved me.

By Sunday, I decided I wasn't going to lay around any more. If I was having a miscarriage, I was going to miscarry regardless if stayed laying flat all day or I got up and did my normal routine. I decided to do my normal routine. Jeff and I cleaned the house, played with Sophie, grocery shopped and then went to the park. I was actually feeling good- surprisingly so. I expected to feel depressed but I think getting up and doing something helped me a lot. Got my mind off it.

Monday morning, I got up and called the dr. They could fit me in but not until 2. So I had the whole day to wait. Sophie went on to daycare and Jeff was home so I rode around with him all day while he did his errands. I could feel the dread building in my stomach the closer and closer we got to 2 o'clock. I still feel bad for Jeff because all day, he kept trying to joke around with me but I wasn't feeling it. I am sure it confused him because the day before I was acting fine. I just couldn't stop that bile, that sick feeling in my stomach from creeping up every time I thought about going to the dr.

Our appointment time finally came. It was just as I expected from them. Pee in a cup, test my iron, Blood pressure, weight, etc. What I didn't expect were the water works that came from me. I thought I was strong. I though I could do this. After all I already knew what they were going to say. I knew my pregnancy was over. I had known for 2 days it was over. It didn't make it any easier. I managed to hold off the actual tears until I got in the exam room. The second my midwife walked in though- I lost it. She hadn't even said a word yet. She was wonderful though. Gave me all the time I need, was so supportive. It reminds me why I go to her in the first place. She is awesome.

In the end, we had an ultrasound to verify there was no heartbeat and I was indeed losing the baby. Again with the waterworks. It just isn't an easy thing to hear. even if you have already come to terms with it- hearing it out of a dr's mouth just hurts.

I took Monday and Tuesday off work. Finally came back on Wednesday. Over all I am glad I took those days off, but getting back to my daily routine is really what is best for me. I think the hardest part about coming back was having to tell people that I was no longer pregnant. Luckily, I work for a great place and my boss was very understanding. I also was able to text most of the people I told the news which made it a little easier, but not much.

In situations like this, people want to tell you how sorry they are for you. They want you to know they are thinking about you, praying for you and genuinely care about you. As a woman, I couldn't ask for me- but it is bittersweet because having so many people come up to you to hug you and tell you they are sorry isn't easy. Every single time, I cried a little. I hate crying. I especially hate crying at work. I especially hate crying at work when not everyone knows why I am crying.

Today is Thursday, I feel a little better today than I did yesterday. I suspect I will continue to feel better as the days go on. A friend of mine, who has gone through the same thing, told me I will still have my bad days. It will be a roller-coaster ride with ups and downs. Days where I am angry, days were I am sad. Times were I just burst out crying. Days were I want to be pregnant so bad I can't stand it. Days were I won't ever want to do it again. I believe her.

I know that I am strong. I hope writing this helps me get it out and helps me let goes of it. It still hurts if I let myself think of it too much. I have had to stop writing this blog a few times now and walk away from it. I have also thought a few times while writing this that I will just delete it. But I didn't and I am going to post it. Forgive me the mistakes as I have typed this pretty fast and I will not be going back to proof read it.

Apparently you get a birthday WEEK now

Well, you do if you are my kid. We opted not to do a big party this year (mainly because it costed us out the wazoo last year and I just didn't have the motivation to do it all over again) so instead Sophie got a bunch of little parties.

First the one from Jeff and I, then Aunt Tara and Uncle Robbie, then my parents and grandparents and finally Jeff's mom and step dad.

Big hit gifts? The Radio Flyer Trike (which conveniently has a handle bar so I can push her) and the Vtech V-Reader. The V-Reader is the stand out gift.

Monday morning I hear Sophie waking up around 7am. I am still getting ready for work so I usually let her sit on the couch with a cup of milk and watch Nick Jr. This morning, however, the first thing she says to me in her little raspy, morning voice "Pa-reencace Game?". For those of you who don't speak Sophie, this translates to "Princess Game". She sat on the couch all morning playing that damn thing and barely made a peep. She did the same thing last night. Would have sat on the couch all night if we let her.

I LOVE the V-Reader.

Baby Addition

To our family! Can't believe it but it is true. Jeff, Sophie and I will be adding to our little family on or around Nov 7th.

Sophie already is saying "Baby Brutha" when we ask her what is in mommy's tummy so maybe a boy this time around?

Unlike last time, I don't care. I am just excited to be pregnant again!