Insecurities- The Dream Sequence

Pregnancy has the innate ability to bring out the worst insecurities in even the most secure person. Usually these insecurities are unfounded but for the pregnant woman the are still very really.

Mine are currently manifesting themselves in a series of bad dreams.

You may or may not know, pregnant women tend to have very vivid dreams. The lucky ones get awesomely realistic dreams involving celebrity crushes. I am not one of the lucky ones. Very early on I started having dreams. Mostly they have just been bizarre and random but a few have been disturbing.

In the very beginning, I had 2 dreams about Sophie dying. I will not be detailing these out because they took quite a while for me to shake.

These (luckily) past fast and we were on to the weird and bizzare. I kept waiting for the sex dreams but those were a no go.

This week the disturbing dreams have started again. This time they are about my marriage ending.

The first: Jeff cheated on me. He apparently (as he told me in the dream) was drunk and it was an accident. Oddly, I wasn't upset about this but we had ended up moving this pregnant woman into our house, I guess to take care of her. The disturbing part of the dream was how frantic and scared I was that Jeff was going to choose her over me. That having her in the house would make him want her over me and he would leave me.

The second was last night: Jeff and I were having problems (I am assuming because I wasn't around for this part of the dream). I had asked him to move out. He was getting an apartment and I was moving in with my parents. The very first day we were apart I realized what a big mistake I had made. I didn't want to be separated and was over come with fear Jeff would move on and find someone new before we could patch things up. That being away from me would let him forget about me and start over with someone else and I would be left alone.

In both of these dreams I felt helpless to change the situation. I was hopeless, desperate and devastated. I woke up from both unable to fall back asleep.

I am definitely anxious for these dreams to stop but at least they reaffirm how much I love my husband. Thank god he puts up with me.